Ruckus

We’re studying the Titanic in class and I was trying to give the students some idea of how excited the world was to see this ship take off. I decided to do a little role-playing. I divided the kids into two groups, kids who pretended to be on the giant ship and kids who were supposed to be saying goodbye to the ship. Edlynn was the newspaper reporter taking photos, Bella was the mayor christening the ship and Mikaa and Winton were two famous actors eager to be among the first to ride on this fabulous new ship.

“OK, you’ve got to be waving your hats, you’ve got to be blowing kisses, you’ve got to be so excited that this thing is about to sail,” I said.

From the back of the class, Sallyanne raised her hand.

“Oh, you want to be something? Well, OK, I guess that you can be married to Nathan over there on the ship and you’re saying goodbye to him.”

The class exploded. I’m not kidding; the class went crazy. Some kids were covering their mouths and saying “ohhh,” some were on top of desks snapping their fingers and some were laughing so hard that they were on the floor.
It was like Kurt Cobain came back from the dead and soloed for a Nirvana reunion tour. It was like the Marshall Islands just scored a goal in the World Cup final. It was like every kid in the class was just told that later that day Akon was going to play a surprise concert in the lawn.

I’ve never seen anything blow up that big.

Nathan ran from the classroom… I’ve no idea where he is now. Maybe he’s taking refuge with the CIA under the pseudonym “Smith.” Meanwhile, Sallyanne just sank her head into her desk and started balling.

The whole thing was ridiculous.

My stomach twisted. One crying girl, one running boy and the rest of the class threatening to jubilantly riot; it was Wednesday and suddenly the weekend seemed years away.

After a good five minutes I quelled the rebellion and let them out to lunch.

“If you happen to see Nathan,” I called after them, “tell him that I can offer him safety and amnesty.”

Now I was stuck with a pre-teen girl balling in the middle of an empty classroom. I had no idea what to do. Should I try and hug her? Should I sing to her like in the musicals they all love? What if I just gave her a dollar?

“Are you OK?” I asked. “I am sorry.”

She had her head down on her desk and I lowered down until I was eye-level with her.

“You want some candy?” I asked. She sniffed and nodded yes. I gave her some gum and she left rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands. I walked home to lunch alone.

Then when I got back to class Sallyanne popped out of nowhere with a big smile on her face.

“Hi, Mr. Tim,” she said.

“Hey,” I said.

Kids are so weird.