They nag at the forgotten corners of my mind and turn my nights into restless bouts with tangled blankets.
First question: How the heck can my editor still have a positive attitude about life?
Here is a guy that didn’t just slip up a bit in his grand life plan but tripped and fell head-first into a pile of crap that is usually reserved for large fertilizer outfits and yet I don’t think that I have ever met a man who smiles quite as much as him.
I have met many average joes out there who have gone through a fraction of what this guy did and they are paralyzed.
Even though his often off-color humor can sometimes illicit steely stare-downs from the news reporter in the office, I think that it is exactly his ability to laugh at himself that has kept him sane up until this point.
Here’s to hoping his trajectory continues upward.
Second question: If our display ad person were in an action movie, exactly how many bad-guys would she kill?
The easy answer to this question is some crazy hyperbole in the 100’s but I am serious about this question. She once demonstrated on me exactly how quickly she would be able to leave me laid out and broken if she wanted to (she is a black belt) and it was quite possibly the most terrifying experience in my life.
Chuck Norris could destroy the whole world with his left thigh if he had half a chance, and I think that if this lady had a meaner disposition the whole office would be leveled and left with a hollow ringing sound — much like the scene after an intense hurricane.
That is just the thing, she doesn’t have that disposition. Not a mean bone in her body. And so, the office survives… At least for now...
Let’s cheer for her to stay on the good side of things.
By the way, my prediction would be 25 bad guys killed and five left without the ability to reproduce…
Third question: If our classified person had better aim, would I be blind?
The answer to this question is a quick and enthusiastic yes. I would have been nailed and in the emergency room in about two seconds if she could shoot rubber bands worth her beans.
As it is, I am safe.
All in all, she is the more “you just quit it!” type.
Anyway, I can’t say that I don’t provoke it — what with my comments about her daughter, my insistence of dancing in front of her desk and my propensity to threaten to report her to corporate, I almost shot a rubber band at myself.
Cheers for putting up with me.
Fourth question: How come our news reporter isn’t an international correspondent for CNN yet?
The basic answer is that most major media outlets are idiots. This girl has so much drive it makes my head spin.
I just vomited after writing that sentence it was so chalk-full of drive.
The real answer to the question is that she is new to the industry, but given a little bit of time and a little bit of luck, she will be a famous TV personality someday and I will be the poor slob begging for a job because I spent my formative years traipsing around the globe.
Fifth question: What is the funniest caption you can think of for this photo?
The best that I can come up with is “Cowboy finishes up on the bottom end of things…”
I am sure there are better ones out there…
The love you give comes back in the end
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5 comments:
"Run for it! She's gonna blow!"
Ready...aim...FIRE!
Aw, Timmy. It sure was sad not to see your gangly figure come through the door at the office today. Joe was so depressed that he got excessively drunk and crashed his bike into a tree! Look at what you're doing to us!
Anyway, good luck.
And the winner is....
"Run for it, she's going to blow"
Editor's note:
I did not write the one from "me"
Tim,
So not true. My aim is really good, if I'd wanted to hit you, I would have.
It is quiet like a tomb here without you.
P
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